“Remember that when you have to pay a little bit more, $4—it’s okay. I mean, it’s… I’ll never apologize, I did the right thing. After we finish defeating Iran [...] pretty soon I’ll be declaring the Hormuz Strait a territory of the United States.” Who said this? Hint #1: It’s someone who’s never personally been …
The Goalpost on Rollers
They said they’d rid the country of border-crashing “dangerous criminals, the worst of the worst.” Hard to argue with that. You don’t have a problem with the execution of the policy morphing just a smidge, do you? You’re cool with it if “the worst of the worst” got whited out (oops) on the hit list …
“Here am I. Send me!”
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’” (Isaiah 6:8) If you’ve been a Bible reader or an avid listener of sermons for any length of time, you know God was commissioning his prophet Isaiah to do the difficult …
Punishing Runaways
I ran away from home once. I couldn’t technically be called a “runaway” since I was only five and really just walked down the street and got lost. It was my parents’ first clue that I didn’t come from the manufacture with a built-in GPS. A cop found me wandering around the neighborhood and brought …
Hot-Mic Horrors
I used to talk a lot. I mean, I did it for a living. When that’s your life, gaffes, mispronunciations, and faux pas come in batches. I blame it on being sleep deprived. Reason I couldn’t sleep was because I couldn’t stop agonizing over the last stupid thing I said in public and what would …
barney wiget 