Making My Mind, Mind

wp-1468114389117

After some of my well-meaning friends added to my confusion with sincere, but unwise, advice and comments, I applied the blood of Jesus to the doorpost of my mind and asked for the toxic thoughts to be turned away. I pleaded with God to save me from fear, anxiety, vengeance, bitterness, worthlessness, hopelessness, and despair and to fill me with his thoughts.

Though I could not completely avoid the nagging voices of depression and despair, I began to block this “stinking thinking” by trying to “fix [my] thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely and admirable. . . about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4: 8). Rather than letting outright lies and half-truths camp unchallenged in my mind, I sought to “cast down these imaginations and bring every thought back into captivity” (2 Corinthians 10). Whenever I wrestled my renegade thoughts under control or struggled to differentiate clearly between truth and lies, I told myself that I was making my mind, mind. Because I knew that if I didn’t make my mind up, something— or someone— would make it up for me.


– Originally published in The Other End of the Dark: A Memoir About Divorce, Cancer, and Things God Does Anyway (the profits of which go to Freedom House).

 

One Reply to “Making My Mind, Mind”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s