A Kinder-Gentler Donald Trump

I’d like to reverse my position on Donald Trump, who has undergone a “conversion” of sorts. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it but he’s a different man since he hired his most recent campaign staff. He displays a clear softening of his former bravado-laden rhetoric and a much more humane approach lately. Let me explain…

It’s no secret that just a few short weeks back he came across as a bigoted bully and hater of all things un-Trump. He spewed venomous jabs at women, immigrants, Mexicans, Muslims, democrats, and any man endowed with a less than manly “size.” But he’s a changed man now. A number of Evangelical leaders say as much, so it must be true.

In fact, one highly respected Christian theologian calls him “a good candidate with flaws.” I would propose that those alleged “flaws” were more illusory than real anyway. Either way they’re water under the bridge now. The things he said before about – – – pretty much everyone that wasn’t him are no longer part of his repertoire. Those views of his are so last week, so get over it!

It’s apparent to me that he now possesses what he claimed as “one of the best temperaments of anybody that’s ever run for the office of president!” Haven’t you noticed that for weeks now he hasn’t ranted about bombing the families of terrorists or insulted any widows of military heroes? And it’s been quite a while since he celebrated the beat downs by his supporters of people who criticized him in his rallies. I’m telling you, this is an Alt-Trump!

Since he doesn’t ever ask God for forgiveness, anyone he trashed in public shouldn’t expect much in the way of an actual apology for all those former insulting remarks he made. It’s just not his way to go back and make right those things from the past. His record of bankruptcies should prove that. He knows when to cut bait and start over with a new lure.

It should also be pointed out that he hardly ever compares his wife’s sex appeal to other women any more. Though he hasn’t ever renounced backers from the Klan, since a Hollywood filmmaker took over as CEO of his campaign, there’s no proof that he actually takes meetings with David Duke. I’d say that’s a plus.

You have to admit that his language these days is so much more––well––“presidential.” Sure, some cynics attribute this Donald-upgrade to the muzzling efforts of his new campaign staff. They say that his improved speechifying could be credited to the introduction of his new best friend, the teleprompter––and maybe even a pre-rally Valium or two. Whatever the cause, you have to concede that there has been a considerably reduced frequency of public Tourette’s outbursts!

The speculation that his inner circle has surgically implanted a devise like those shock collars used for dogs is entirely without merit. Detractors claim that it gives him a jolt whenever he begins to wander off script. And there’s no evidence to support that during interviews his staff texts him with intelligent-sounding comebacks. Even if it is true, I for one am comforted that, as President, during meetings with the leaders of China, Russia, and North Korea he will have such wise advisors in his ear (literally).

And when they can’t get him to say what they want him to say, they can always just cut out the middle man and say it on his behalf. Like when his campaign staff admitted that Obama was, in fact, born in Hawaii instead of Nairobi, as he had earlier alleged. It’s an understandable mistake. Those words rhyme after all.

Let me also allay any concerns that you might have about Donald’s ready access to the world’s second largest nuclear arsenal. This new and improved world-leader-to-be has all the prescription-aided sense of restraint that you would expect of the man who made famous the line, “You’re fired!”

He vowed that if Iranian “little boats” harass our destroyers, under his administration they would be “blown out of the water!” Right on! I think it’s high time that we started a war with Iran! It’ll be good for the economy and the waning morale in the country. Trump “knows more about ISIS than the generals” and would do America proud by “bombing the sh**t out of them!” That’s the guy we want as Commander in Chief to make America great again!

Oh, and no matter what anyone says, “The Wall” to keep Mexican criminals and rapists from overtaking our society is going to be built! I mean that’s what America is all about! It’s true that Mexico’s President said they won’t be footing the bill, but don’t worry about it. We have plenty of petty cash in education and health care.

One last point I’d like to make about the new and improved Donald Trump. In keeping with his party’s platform there’s no doubt that he’s the man to keep government small. I mean, as he said at the RNC that he “alone can fix this!” It stands to reason, doesn’t it, that the best way to reduce the size of our government is to entrust it into the hands of one successful businessman? Especially with his lion-taming campaign staff and his Valium-aided persona, we can count on this hardly-ever-bankrupt business mogul and Reality TV personality to make our decisions for us.

So, vote early and vote often for the new and improved Donald Trump for President!