Some of our fellow citizens have been complaining about how you’re managing your time and our money these days. But most of us believe their concerns to be entirely asinine. You’re under no obligation to answer to American citizens, especially those who didn’t even vote for you! Of course, “government by the people and for the people” really means “by the people and for the people who like you and look like you.”
These people grumble that you seem to have a lot of extra time on your hands to post on social media by day and by night. Pay them no mind. You know we all love hearing everything that pops into your head, even if it is in the middle of the night. We know that you need very little sleep (at night anyway). Plus, with your world-class IQ , you can multitask like no one else has ever done. It’s no problem for you to put performers, athletes, journalists, newscasters, and podcasters in their place and run the country at the same time.
You should know that we love all the makeovers of the helipad, the ballroom, the reflecting pool, local parks, and national monuments. Plus, your name on federal buildings, airports, currency, credit cards, battleships, waterways, and whatever else you have in mind are a great reminder of how lucky we are to have such a great human being on the bridge of the greatest ship in the history of the world. You are, after all, and everybody’s saying it, the G.O.A.T. (the Greatest of all time)!
Regarding the reflecting pool, who cares if it looks worse than before you started improving it! And so what if after all your time and our money was spent, your own Department of Justice and the court found no evidence of what we all know was a left-wing radical crime of vandalism! What do those judges know anyway? But since you have time and money to burn, even with the $40 trillion national debt, have you thought about maybe having your image painted in the pool bottom? Maybe one of those photos of you after the assassination attempt where you were bleeding from the ear and pumping your fist in the air to show the world what a bad-ass you are!
And please do proceed with the gold-plaited ballroom at the low-low cost of $400 million. How else would you be able to impress visiting dignitaries from all over the world? How dare the appellate court block the project and refer to you as a “temporary resident, a tenant of the White House and not the owner”! Take it all the way to the top. Surely your buddies at the Supreme Court will have your back. If not, you can finagle a way to fire them and replace them with actual loyalists.
Some moan that after promising us “no new wars,” that you unilaterally started one with Iran without provocation or any sort of plan to get us out. Fake news! It’s not exactly a new war. We’ve been facing off with Iran for almost 50 years now. Many of us believe that you pulled us out of the Iran nuclear deal in 2018 so they’d develop weapons-grade uranium and we’d have an excuse to bomb the hell out of them now. Good call, #47! It worked. They hate us and we hate them, so why this chicken dance we’ve been doing. As you say, let’s wipe their culture off the face of the earth! Almost sounds biblical.
Everybody knows that bombing Iran has actually been good for our economy in spite of the mainstream media fake news that says otherwise. It’s a hoax that American families who were already living paycheck to paycheck, if they have any paycheck at all, are really hurting now. And, Mr. President, don’t give it another thought that our credibility with former allies is in tatters. Don’t lose sleep at night (or day) over the ridiculous notion that dementia testing might be in order for our entire population, beginning with you.
Those of us who love you, Mr. President, love what you cleverly call, “The Donroe Doctrine,” where we assert American dominance across the entire Western Hemisphere. That’s what I call making America GREAT again! And while you’re at it, don’t hesitate to take Greenland and Cuba by force if necessary, and squeeze Canada with 50% tariffs into becoming our 51st state! What’s the point of being the most powerful nation in history if we can’t expand our footprint once in a while?
For your genius plan to shift our focus from fixating on silly issues like the economy, health insurance, ICE raids, the Epstein files, and the wars in Ukraine, Israel and Iran––good on you! All those trivial matters belong on the back burner anyway. In the long run, it really doesn’t matter that our citizens can’t pay rent, buy groceries, or put gas in our cars––for those who can still afford to even have a car. In the long run we want you to get your due in the dozens of your current legacy projects cumulatively estimated to cost a mere $1.2 billion.
Though the Oxford Dictionary claims (falsely no doubt) that the term “affordability” has been around as the noun form of “afford” since 1910 when it first appeared in print, we all know it was the radical left that made it up just to make you look bad! We’re just glad that in spite of all the aggravation we’ve given you, that you were able to increase your own net worth last year by about a measly $2.5 billion. You deserve every penny––and more! Don’t worry about us. We’re survivors.
Mr. President, keep spending your time and our money as it suits you, while you painstakingly make America great again! And if there’s still more greatness to be achieved, please don’t leave us after this term. We’re counting on you to run again in 2028! After all, we owe you another landslide after the one that they stole from you in 2020.
barney wiget 